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Monday, February 14, 2011

What's wrong with me?

I don't know why I can't shake this guy. He just wants to be friends because he says friends last longer than boyfriends. I understand where he's coming from. I also understand the compliment that he wants me in his life forever. But I think it's kind of a cop-out. I feel like he wasn't willing to try the relationship because he realized that I was serious and that I'm not like all other guys that want a boyfriend, but want a fuck on the side. That's not me. I think everything was great and then he went to TX to visit. Sure we talked every day and stuff, but I think he got a taste of the single life. I think he remembered how it tasted and when he came back to me he was over it and wanted his freedom. He pushed me away. He already told me that. He told me he didn't want me to ever hate him. So he pushed me away, he saw an opportunity and used it so that we'd break up and I wouldn't hate him as much. I like being let down hard and that was hard. But I guess all these signals after are really confusing. We talk more than ever now and we are definitely closer. I just hate how he sells himself short. I hate that almost every person he meets wants to fuck him. I hate that for him. I think that's why I get so annoyed or come across as jealous. I like where we are. But he's in my heart so I will always want the best for him. So when I see him hang with "creatures", I can't help but get annoyed. I guess it's because I know that I would never hurt him and that I'd be good for him. But he doesn't want that role for me. So I have to accept where we are. I'll take the friendship role over nothing. And I can still care for him and love him and raise him up even when he puts himself down. No one knows what the future holds and on that note......


HAPPY VDAY!

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